PROUD PARENT OF SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER 221-53......
It's been way too long.
And all that shit....blah fuckity blah blah.
Not that there has been a "lack" of anything inspiring, comical, uplifting, or shocking in my recent life- I just think my brain goes into "sleep" mode more often than it used to. I mean in the last year, I have moved my oldest daughter into an apartment (better than our own damn house) and she is now attending (and loving) mortuary school in Cincinnati. My youngest has her temporary permit, and, although she seems to drive quite well, shows no real motivation for it, which translates into my continuation as "taxi service", well into 2013 at this pace. St. D is doing grand; our jobs are, well, we still HAVE them...So all in all, we are doin' just fine....
Which leaves me time to notice the little annoying SHIT around me. :)
Ever since I became a parent, I have OOZED with pride over my children. Ask me about them, as if you really want to know, and I can talk your ear off for an hour without stopping for air. In my eyes my girls are the most beautiful, smartest, and enriching goofballs that a sperm and egg could have ever created!
But ONLY if you ask me about them. (and ONLY if you really seem to want to know).
Don't get me wrong- immediate family, grandparents, aunts, etc... they will get the 411 ALWAYS! Close family friends too. It's just part of the "deal" we make with all of the above. I won't even bat an eye if my close girlfriend gets out the latest school pictures of her brood, and will proudly show off said pics on my hallway wall and fridge. And whereas there is nothing WRONG with being proud of our children, and WANTING to talk non-stop about their first bowel movements, the goal they scored in youth soccer, and the B & E wrap that they beat in court, as a society, we have to start realizing that not EVERYONE cares. To be honest, MOST DONT! When I see "Karen" in Walmart in the checkout line, and she casually makes small talk and asks how "the girls" are doing- I know to keep it to a quick "Oh GREAT! I couldn't be prouder!..And your kids? How are they?" Karen and I both have ice cream, milk, Vodka, and Ring Dings that need checked out and taken home QUICKLY.... so WRAP UP THE NICETIES!!
So it still, to this day, amazes me how much our society LOVES to place our moppets on some God-forsaken pedastal, to the tune of creating an unsafe situation. I see it EVERYDAY I drive to and from work- when I park at the grocery. I know that the red Windstar van that seems to travel my same root in the mornings is so fucking proud of "Kellen" (#32, Northmont Green 3rd grade Pee Wee Football) and "Kylie" (7th grade cheer- Northmont Middle School), that said "proud parent" is willing to PLASTER this shit on the rear window... most likely fucking up the rear defrost mechanism...for not just me, but I'm sure the area pedophile, to see.
To study.
To remember.
Whereas I find it more annoying than anything, I'm sure "Walter", the registered sex offender, knows now that if he attends the Northmont "Green" 3rd grade Pee Wee football game in the fall to "scope" out, that #32's name is "Kellen"....hoping that "Kellen"'s proud mamma and pop aren't watching when he follows...
And before you think I swiped this from Season 4 of Showtimes "Dexter", I make no claim to coming up with this horrific scenario myself- "Dexter"'s creators seem to also be annoyed by the same bullshit. The unassuming beige van with the "sticker family" on the back (another one of my all time "favorites") depicts "Mom", "Dad", "Kyle" and lil' sister "Emma" (can't remember the exact names, fuck it, be happy I'm penning this blog- don't feel like researching the correct names... moving on....). "Trinity", the Season 4 serial killer (played BRILLIANTLY by John Lithgow) lurks a few spaces down to see a young girl (too young to be the mother, most likely the sitter), getting young "Emma" out of her car seat while an older, maybe 9-10 year old KYLE gets out and waits. Upon entering the "arcade", he sees "Kyle" all alone.. playing a game. "Kyle"? (Trinity asks the young, unsuspecting boy)... "Yea? How did you know my name"? "I'm a police officer Kyle- I have already informed your sitter and she has Emma out by my police car- your parents have been in an accident and you need to come with me right away...."
Do I need to go on?
"Yea, well my kid isn't stupid enough to fall for this... we have told them that...."
Are ya sure? I'm not stupid enough to blast my kid's names and accomplishments on my rear view window either, in some attempt to PROVE that they are WONDERFUL and that I'm PROUD OF THEM to the entire world! I pretty much tell them all the time in the privacy of my own home, without the "Trinitys" and "Walters" watching.. and waiting.
By the way, the #32 "Kellen" and "Kylie" are made up. The Windstar Van is made up. Even I know better than to print the ACTUAL minivan and the children's names and jersey numbers on a blog. But the vehicle does exist. Actually there are about three that I see everyday... license numbers in view as well as the prodigal children and their amazing extra curricular activites.
However, I wish "Walter" was a figment of our nightmares.
But he's out there.
So what does this all mean? I guess it's just my ranting and annoyance (remember, my blog, my opinion, you don't have to agree). But it would be nice to be able to teach our children that we love them, are proud of them, and what not without always having to have their name in print on the back of our 2002 Chevy Blazer. You can be a great athlete, captain of the cheer squad, and class president without always having the "printed notoriety".
After all, isn't that what teaching humility is all about?
